Don Vito Corleone

Don Corleone Blackground

How Theo Walcott came to snag a £100,000 per week deal at Arsenal

Theo: I don’t know what to do, Godfather. My crossing is weak, my passing is horrific, I can run really, really fast but my ball-control borders on the comical and I still can’t grow proper facial hair. Anyway, if I had this contract, it would make Gareth Bale really jealous, you know. But this… this man out there. He won’t give it to me, the head coach.

Don Corleone: What’s his name?

Theo: Wenger. Wenger. He won’t give it to me and he says there’s no chance, no chance… Anyway, last week Gareth told me he had cultivated these magic beans and that all I had to do was to stick them under my pillow before I went to bed every night for a month and I’d be able to grow a proper tache. Thing is though, the monkey-faced bastard wants £100,000 for them. Oh, Godfather, I don’t know what to do, I don’t know what to do…


[Hits Theo smartly across the face like an errant prostitute]

What’s the matter with you? Is this what you’ve become, an Islington finocchio who cries like a woman? “Oh, what can I do? What can I do?” What is that nonsense? Ridiculous!

Tell me, do you take the piss out of Gervinho’s ridiculous aubergine-shaped head?

Theo: Sure I do

Don Corleone: Good. Because a man who doesn’t take the piss out of Gervinho’s ridiculous aubergine-shaped head can never be a real man.

You look terrible. I want you to eat, I want you to fuck some bitches. And a month from now this Wenger big shot’s gonna give you what you want.

Theo: Too late. They’re already drawing up blueprints for a machine to extract my natural pace and put it in Per Mertesacker.

Don Corleone: I’m gonna make him an offer he won’t refuse.

The following night, Arsene Wenger awoke with a start to find the severed head of Abu Diaby in his bed. That’s a true story.


One thought on “Don Vito Corleone


    Hello! I gone done an’ nominated you for a thing called a Liebster Award, which is apparently the internet version of one of those chain letter things.

    If you accept, here are the rules:

    The Rules

    1. The Liebster Award is given by bloggers to bloggers who have less than 200 followers.
    2. Each blogger should post 11 random facts about themselves.
    3. Each blogger should answer the 11 questions given to you.
    4. Choose 11 new bloggers to pass the award on to and link them in your post.
    5. Create 11 new questions for the chosen bloggers.
    6. Go back to their page and tell them about the award.
    7. No tag backs.

    I didn’t make the rules.

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