Ugly Footballers #1: Carlos Tevez

Imagine what will happen when that neckline turns jowly

If your kids misbehave, just lock them in a cupboard with a black light, a flourescent, floor-to-ceiling poster of Carlos Tevez and pipe in a recording of a vicious ape fight playing on a continuous loop. If they survive, they’ll never transgress again.

Check out my mate Ed’s blog for a personal statement from the man-beast himself.

Disclaimer: The primate reference should in no way be construed as racist; he just looks like the missing link.

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